WHEN the comrade presidente announced, a few weeks ago, he would not be seeking re-election because of the lack of progress in the Cytalks, and his fellow mukhtar in the north Eroglu spoke about the end of the procedure, our establishment decided to write an extended obituary for the Cyprob.
It was the least it deserved after making such a colossal contribution to public life, enhancing the careers of hundreds of mediocre politicians, creating thousands of jobs (even for old-age pensioners), helping newspapers sell millions of copies over the years, inspiring decades’ worth of debate and patriotism competitions, not to mention the raising of our country’s profile internationally.
But other more important events came up over the weeks and we had to put the obituary on hold, which in theory was not an issue as the deceased problem was not going to go anywhere. This delay, however, was the salvation of our establishment’s reputation, because the Cyprob, it turns out, is not dead, but just in poor health, which it has been on countless occasions in the past, before making a remarkable recovery.
This is at least what Big Bad Al has been saying. He acknowledges that the problem is unwell but appears committed to visiting its bedside every two months and, with the help of his many advisors nursing it back to good health by the end of February, when there could be a tiny chance of the procedure resuming.
Medical experts, we contacted, informed us that what saved the problem’s life were the convergences reached during the failed procedure.
ANOTHER factor for saving the problem from the clutches of death may have been that Big Bad Al had no job to go back to Down Under or at the UN.
How things change. Al is the same man who had been constantly warning us that if this procedure failed, it would be the end of the UN’s involvement in the Cyprob. The UN Good Offices mission would have closed down, UNFICYP would have been withdrawn and there would be no other attempt by the UN to solve the Cyprob.
Some of us fools even thought the brash Aussie was being serious and not just trying to frighten the pig-headed natives into reaching an agreement. We thought he meant it when he threatened he would write a damning report to Ban Ki-moon urging the UN to end its involvement with Kyproulla, on the grounds that the political will for a settlement did not exist.
There was an obvious lack of political will and the failure of the procedure was triumphantly realised, but nobody is budging. But mysteriously, Al did not propose the closing down of the UN mission and withdrawal of UNFICYP when he met Ban in the Big Apple last month to assess the latest failure.
On the contrary and managed to have his contract extended to 2013, presumably, persuading the SG that “it makes no sense to throw away all the work that has been done,” as “many convergences” had been reached. It would be a shame for all the convergences to go to waste, when they could be used as the basis for reaching a deadlock in the future.
BY FAR and away, the most important convergence was reached by Al and Ban in the Big Apple – to keep the UN mission going, despite the fact it would have nothing to do for at least the next eight months.
Thanks to the convergences, Al will stay on the Cyprob gravy train and continue to earn his fat UN salary without having anything demanding to do. He has secured what everyone dreams of – a long-term vacation contract, with the option of an extension for another year after February, when a new president will be elected.
As we reported a fortnight ago, he will visit Kyproulla for a few days every two months to have a coffee with the two leaders, check the unproductive work of the technical committees and play a few rounds of golf.
In other words Al will carry on receiving his big fat salary plus 10 first-class tickets from Oz to Europe in order to guard the convergences and make sure they do not escape. And if it is too hot for golf when he visits in the summer months he could use his spare time to keep company with the convergences, which might start to feel lonely.
THE RESCUE of the Cyprob must have come as music to the Dumbo ears of presidential commissioner Yiorkos Iacovou, who faced the devastating prospect of being without a job when he celebrated his 74th birthday next month.
With the technical committees still meeting he could carry on collecting his salary without feelings of guilt, related to taking the taxpayer’s money (if it was the UN money it would have been different) for doing nothing.
We are happy for him because at his age, in this economic climate, it would have been impossible to find a job that paid so much for so little work. And Yiorkos deserves another year on the Cyprob gravy train after everything he has done, in his long and undistinguished career, to keep it alive.
PART-TIME Cyprob warriors of the Greek diaspora gathered in Washington DC last week for the 28 Annual Cyprus and Hellenic Leadership Conference which was attended by Congressmen, Senators and the Mayor of Famagusta.
The Cypriot taxpayer pays millions of bucks every year funding the organisations set up in the US and UK by Greek Cypriots, with the aim of lobbying politicians and policy-makers in those countries. The Cyprob gravy train operates abroad as well.
Despite collecting millions of greenbacks over the years, these organizations have conclusively failed to change the Cyprob policies of the Brits and the Yanks on the Cyprob, so why are we still funding them with money we do not have.
These small-time lobbyists use our money to play the movers and shakers in DC, but have about as much influence on US policy as pretzel street vendors. They can still come up with pompously self-important statements, like the comment made to Tass news agency by the President of the International Coordinating Committee ‘Justice for Cyprus’ (PSEKA), Phillip Christopher.
“We are very disappointed with the (Obama-Biden) administration. It has basically maintained the status quo; they have offered the same rhetoric,” lamented Christopher. After this admission of PSEKA’s failure do we get a refund? Or are we paying Christopher even better rates than Iacovou, for his astute analyses of the US Cyprob policy.
WAS IT a coincidence that one day before the start of the conference, one of our most prominent movers and shakers in the US – Supreme President of the Cyprus Federation of America Panicos Papanicolaou – appeared in court facing charges of allegedly bribing a top official of the New York City Department of Housing Preservation and Development (HPD)?
Papanicolaou, whose contracting company had received several HPD contracts, had allegedly paid for the Department’s top official to go on honeymoon in Greece. Hardly a big deal – three years ago he took Mr and Mrs Tof on holiday to the Greek island of Astypalea, as his guests, because he is a generous guy and likes the world to know he counts important heads of state among his friends.
We would not be surprised if Panicos’ arrest and appearance in court, on the eve of the Annual Cyprus Hellenic Conference, was a CIA/FBI conspiracy aimed at discrediting the invaluable work he does for Kyproulla in the US. And we would not be surprised to hear that some big-wig FBI agent is currently on an all expenses-paid holiday in Antalya, for the services rendered to Turkish lobbyists.
A GREAT shame that the Inbetweeners efforts to set up an alliance for the presidential elections collapsed on Wednesday, because the leaders of EDEK, EUROKO and Greens did not share the high ethical standards and principles DIKO chief Garoyian wanted to introduce to the process for the selection of candidate.
“Different approaches, even different interpretations of the principles of political morality and ethics did not allow the completion of the effort,” said the idealistic DIKO chief, who never compromises his principles. The following day media reports said that DIKO would have contacts with AKEL and DISY to explore all the possibilities regarding presidential election alliances.
It was as if DIKO was inviting tenders for its support. Garoyian’s uncompromising adherence to principles of political morality and ethics would ensure his party’s support would go to the highest bidder, regardless of his political beliefs or designs. The commies could in fact still seal a deal with DIKO if they agreed to make Ethician their candidate.
THE DEMISE of the Inbetweeners was bad news for the independent candidacy of Yiorkos Lillikas who had been hoping he would be their man in the elections.
With DIKO seeking quotations on the share of the spoils the two big parties would offer it, Yiorkos could only rely on the support of the Eurococks and turtle-lovers, which would give him no more than six per cent of the vote.
This would be well above the minimum three per cent of the vote Lillikas set himself in order not to emigrate. He still has not told us which country he would emigrate to (would it be to Paphos?) if less than three per cent of Cypriot voters were smart enough to appreciate what a great president he would make and back his charismatic candidacy.
ONE OF THE reasons for the collapse of the Inbetweeners initiative was Cyprob-related. With the talks deadlocked and no chance of a settlement, their alliance, which was set up, at behest of the Archbishop, to oppose any Cy-deal had no real reason of existence.
What would their candidate campaign against? The convergences are too trivial an issue to inspire the electorate’s hostility, as is Big Bad Al’s pro-Turkish bias. Al’s convergences may have kept the Cyprob alive, for the duration of his new contract, but as an electoral issue it is dead, finished, kaput.
A COUPLE of weeks had barely passed since his official visit to Austria and comrade Tof was off to Malta for another official visit. The man just loves the pomp and ceremony of these official visits which make him feel very important and re-affirm his superiority complex.
And when he is not on official visits he is out and about opening schools, child-care centres, homes for the elderly, exhibitions etc. He never turns down an invitation to be the guest of honour at an opening ceremony, because he loves to be applauded and grovelled to by an admiring public.
The guy was cut out to be a benevolent mukhtar, but the smallness of Kyproulla and our democratic maturity enable mukhtar material to become world statesmen.
THE COMRADE took finance minister Vassos Shiarly with him on the Malta visit. This was not because any financial matters would have been discussed, reported the CyBC hack covering the visit. Tof subsequently explained why Shiarly had accompanied him.
“The main reason that my friend Vassos is here with me is because of his Maltese roots. That was why I suggested to him to come when I heard that he hails from the Knights of Malta.”
It was the second time in a week he had patronisingly referred to the finance minister as “my friend Vassos”. He had also referred to him as “my friend Vassos,” during his news conference 10 days ago, while rubbishing Shiarly’s measures for the economy and telling us that he was politically clueless.
In Malta, he rather coarsely advertised his generosity of spirit in taking his friend Vassos on a free trip, despite his nasty economic proposals. This is what I call mukhtaric magnanimity.