By Patroclos
AS THIS is the first Coffeeshop of 2015, we wish everyone a happy, healthy, peaceful, productive, creative, active and sexually satisfying year. We have opted against wishing a prosperous year, in case readers take offence, thinking we were engaging in black humour.
I have noticed that most people have dropped the word ‘prosperous’ – once obligatory – from their wishes for the new year, presumably for the exact same reason. It is certainly not because people have suddenly decided that money does not buy happiness because for the majority of people it does.
As the great Spike Milligan said, “Money can’t buy you happiness, but it brings you a more pleasant form of misery.” He also said, “All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.”
Very few people in Kyproulla, I am afraid to say, will get a chance to prove this in 2015, despite the fact that our banks have been re-capitalised, our fiscal deficit has been reduced and our state has returned to the markets.
All this may have brought some happiness to prez Nik and his finance minister, but the rest of us can’t even look forward to a more pleasant form of misery in 2015, because there will be even less moollah than there was last year to buy a bit of happiness.
THE PRESIDENT of the Cyprus Football Association (CFA) Costakis Koutsokoumnis (CK) did not enter 2015 in a happy mood. He held a news conference on Friday to defend the association, which has been at the centre of allegations of corruption and match-fixing.
A bitter CK read out a long, self-righteous speech which attacked all the politicians for the mess the country was in.
Among other things, he said:
“It was not us who ordered the haircut of people’s deposits, not us who pushed the economy into its current state, not us who caused unemployment of 40 per cent among the young and 20 per cent among the rest. It was not us who closed down a bank and threw households into despair neither was it us who cut wages and fired workers….
“No. Football does not accept lessons from the politicians who brought the country to the mess it is in today. And let no-one claim it is the others (who are to blame). All together voted for the state budget and all together watched (Laiki’s) ELA soaring and all together they gave from our pocket to Laiki Bank more than a billion shortly before it closed down.”
It is difficult to disagree with CK’s diatribe but what was his point? Was it that because the politicians were incompetent losers, they should not object to match-fixing? Or perhaps match-fixing should be allowed because it did not affect ELA or cause unemployment?
In fact if we were less moralistic we would have to admit that match-fixing, (which the CFA has ignored, passing the buck to the police when receiving reports from UEFA) combined with smart betting creates wealth and jobs.
AS FOR the suggestion of placing the CFA under the state, CK used it to have another dig at the politicians. “Which state agency is financially healthy today? Which state agency do we, all citizens, not subsidise? Which state agency emerges clean in the reports of the Auditor-General?”
There was another obstacle to placing the CFA under the state – FIFA, which also faces allegations of corruption and has had corrupt members in its executive council, would never accept this as it would not accept setting limits to time someone spent as president of the CFA.
CK has been the president of the Association for 13 years and despite his failure to eradicate match-fixing which he admits takes place, he does not think it necessary to step down and give someone else the chance to tackle the problem that he has been spectacularly unable to deal with. But at least he did not close down a bank.
Incidentally, at the end of his speech, CK also avoided wishing a prosperous or happy new year. He wished everyone a “healthy and beautiful 2015.”
CYPRUS Airways pilots, in the last few weeks, have decided that the biggest threat to the survival of the airline was the communications minister Marios Demetriades. In an announcement on Friday it called on prez Nik, to prove his zero tolerance to scandals, to “start with the minister of communications, whom we consider dangerous for the state and citizens, before it is too late.”
Demetriades, together with the finance minister, had been misinforming the public about the European Commission’s alleged plans to close down the airline, said the pilots’ union PASYPI. After an investigation, the union found that Demetriades was a manager of investment funds run by Piraeus Bank which “invest in the shares in the eastern Mediterranean, with an emphasis on Greece, Cyprus, Egypt and Turkey.”
According to Standard & Poor’s, the union said, in 2009 Demetriades, as the manager of this fund, preferred the Turkish market. “We have documents that confirm the above,” the union said. Nik had to freeze any decisions, regarding a strategic investor, taken by the Turk-loving Demetriades, because he could have assigned bilateral agreements between states to “carriers with Turkish interests,” the union warned.
If Demetriades had not preferred the Turkish market in 2009, Cyprus Airways’ future would have been secure and there would be a bidding war among prospective strategic investors eager to take over its losses. Even Turkish Airlines may have shown an interest.
CHECKING the CV of health minister Philippos Patsalis on the Press and Information Office website I notice that he is a professor.
Nowhere in the write-up does it mention how he acquired his professorship. It says: “He is also Professor of Genetics and Provost of the Cyprus School of Molecular Medicine and he has honorary titles as professor at universities in Cyprus and abroad.” But if he is “also Professor of Genetics” what else is he professor of?
It would be interesting to know where and how Patsallis received his professorship. Had he gone through all the procedures followed at universities to acquire this top academic title? As he had been working at the Cyprus Institute of Neurology and Genetics, which is not a university, since 1993 – in 2007 he became its Chief Executive Medical Director – which university gave him his professorship? Just asking.
SOLON Gasinis, gas guru and advisor of the Greek PM on energy issues, was on the radio again yesterday, to give his views about the latest stand-off with Turkey in relation to the drilling for gas. “We will continue the drilling,” he declared, as if such a decision was his prerogative, adding that “Turkey can do what she likes, it will not affect our operations.”
Was he running the ENI-KOGAS drilling operation or the Kyproulla government to make such a statement? He was not as optimistic as he was two weeks ago when he spoke on the same radio show and said the Amathusa plot, at which the new drilling will take place, would have “substantial and big quantities of gas.”
Yesterday he said there was a “50 per cent chance of success” of the drilling scheduled to start this month. But there was another cause for optimism, according to the gas guru. The trouble Noble-Delek were facing with Israel’s Monopolies Commission meant that Kyproulla would have to sell gas to Israel “to break the monopoly”, Gasinis declared.
WE MIGHT not yet have found the substantial and big quantities of gas but this has not affected our ability to sign up new customers for our gas. Apart from Egypt and Israel, I hear that Jordan has also expressed an interest in buying the natural gas we do not have.
Natural gas “will be at the centre of the meeting” prez Nik would have with King Abdullah of Jordan, reported Sigmalive yesterday. Abdullah invited Nik to Amman and “talks will centre on the confirmed deposits of gas on Block 12 of the Cyprus EEZ,” said the report.
I sincerely hope the gas guru is right and we find some more extractable gas pretty soon because if we cannot deliver on our promises, we will become known not as an energy regional centre, but as a regional centre of hot air salesmen.
FOUR months was all it took for our politicians to start baying for the blood of the Secretary-General’s special advisor Espen Barth Eide. He was appointed at the start of September and by the start of January all the politicians turned on him.
We showed commendable restraint and avoided making a fuss after he went to the EU and tried to interfere in our efforts to register halloumi as a protected designation of origin. But there was no way our political parties would ignore his devious attempt to put hydrocarbons on the peace talks agenda in order to get the dialogue going again.
The party leaders will be meeting tomorrow with Nik to discuss how to handle Eide’s “provocative and unacceptable” statement as well as new incursions into our EEZ by the Barbaros. The Turks have anchored the ship off Famagusta and will no doubt send it out again if we do not agree to discuss hydrocarbons.
This would ideally suit Nik as he is determined not to return to the talks, according to his closest aides. No talks would mean his ludicrous idea of a more representative government could be realised – Ethnarch Junior and his Dikheads could return.
RESPONDING to Eide’s provocative and unacceptable statement, Junior said that as long as Turkey did not respect the sovereign rights of the Cyprus Republic, “additional measures must be taken.” These “measures could cause a political cost to Turkey,” he said without specifying them. This was not all he had in mind.
“In addition, it is an imperative to carve a new collective and comprehensive strategy in the Cyprus problem, which would disengage us from the impasse we entered via the Anastasiades-Eroglu agreement and which would utilise the three advantages of the Cyprus Republic that are: a) that fact that we are the only recognised state on the island; b) the fact that we are a member of the EU and the euro-zone; c) the fact that there are hydrocarbons in the Cypriot EEZ.”
He forgot to mention the fourth and most important advantage we have – the biggest concentration of ultra-smart politicians, in absolute numbers, in the world.
WE WERE very surprised to see that Kyproulla has the lowest level of cannabis use in EU. Only 10 per cent of the population has had a puff once, compared to the EU average of 20 per cent. Just goes to show that we are not real Europeans.
Things could change in 2015, as people who have no money to buy happiness might strike for happiness through the use of cannabis. Who knows, prez Nik may fulfil his election promise to legalise weed, in which case it may be a happier year than we had predicted.